Sunday, November 28, 2010

Work it baby! Work it.

It’s been a week. A week since I woke up and started to change my habits... a week that I have been going to the gym... a week since I ate chocolate! First of all can I just say thank you all so much for your comments and emails. Your support and encouragement means so much to me in all of this! Its like having my own little cheerleading squad rooting for me to do well... and it means SO SO much to me! So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart! So... from the beginning.

In all honesty, it hasn’t been that rough. The first few days weren’t fun, I won’t lie. I experienced some pretty intense headaches {read sugar withdrawal} and I was pretty exhausted from going from nearly no exercise what so ever, to full on body assault at the gym. But I am feeling good. Each day at the gym I feel a little less uncomfortable. I even went shopping for some proper gym clothes {haha see I can always find an excuse to shop it seems...} I think the biggest thing I have noticed, is that you have to be organised. Organised in the sense of, you have to know what you are eating, and what time you are eating, otherwise it is so easy to deviate from your plan. And organised in the sense, that you have to have a gym schedule and you have to stick to it, so it just becomes part of your life. Like you wake up every morning and go to the office at the same time, well, you have to go to the gym at the same time, and it just be the way it is. You have to make it a priority, other things can wait.

My trainer at the gym has me eating every 2 to 3 hours. 5-6 small meals a day. This is a big change for me, as I am totally guilty of not eating breakfast, and then grazing from lunchtime till I go to bed. It’s been an adjustment but it’s something that I’m working on. It’s only been a week, but it’s still a struggle to eat breakfast. I am getting there though! I think the things that I am starting to miss the most though are the sweet bits. I am a total sweet tooth! Oh yes! So this whole super healthy eating thing has left me feeling a little bit on the boring side... I’ve started to look around for some healthy sweet options, but am coming up pretty short. Although, I do see that they have produced a few low calorie ice-cream type treats, that I may look into...But before I do that, tonight I am off to the gym, to be weighed for the first time since I started the journey. Keep your fingers {and your toes} crossed that my hard work has paid off. Because it has been hard work, and its only going to get harder. And as much as I dread getting on that treadmill, I will do it. And I will succeed. Because there really is no other option this time.

P.S I was thinking maybe not everyone wants to read about my journey with this... and maybe I should make a little side blog where I can write a little bit more about what I am doing and what I am going through, maybe even turn it into a place where we can share stories, and recipes and other things to do with your own journey, and mine too... What do you think??

Monday, November 22, 2010

This time there is no turning back

A little while ago I posted about my weight, and my struggle with it, and my decision to join a gym, and change my patterns. That was 5 months ago. And for 2 months, I committed. I went to the gym, I ate right, and then I woke up one morning and I stopped. I didn’t go back to the gym, and I started to eat whatever I felt like {and even some things that I didn’t} I fell back into a pattern of laziness and comfort eating. Its not something new, it’s something that I have always done, and unless I change it now, it’s going to be something that I always do. The move to Auckland has been an amazing one, don’t get me wrong for a second. I love this city, and I love that I can now call it home. But at times, it has proven stressful... and what do I do when I am stressed... I eat. Not only has it proved to be somewhat stressful, at times, it has proven to test me emotionally. And what do I do when I am emotional? Oh you got it! I eat! I eat and I eat and then I eat some more.

About a week and a half ago, I struck what I am now calling rock bottom {at least I hope it doesn’t get any worse than this} I woke up on a Tuesday morning, did my hair, put on a little make up and went to put on my clothes for work, only to realise that I was standing in front of my wardrobe crying. I’m not really sure what made me so upset, but I felt like the weight of the world was {literally} on my shoulders, and I couldn’t shake it off. I have realised, once again, that I cannot go on like this, that I am not this person, that this is not my life.

So. I find myself back at the beginning and the owner of a new gym membership. This time a woman only gym. I’m back to the task of convincing myself that going to the gym is an awesome idea and that getting sweaty is going to be fun. Back to trying to convince myself that running on the treadmill is better than sitting on the couch, and that eating that salad is going to taste 100 times better than anything else I could possibly want to eat. {if you have any awesome healthy recipes... please share!!} I have support from a friend, who is also starting this journey with me, so we are in this together, but I know that it’s all down to me. It’s up to me to make the right decisions, it’s up to me to get my butt off that couch, it’s up to me to make the positive and necessary change in my life.

I went for my first consultation at the gym yesterday. I stood on the scales and as the number registered in my head, I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away. I don’t know how I have let myself get to this point. But I will never see that number ever again. This is the start of something. Something new and exciting. Something life changing. {it has to be... its going to be}

Now I need your advice. Do you have any great work out tips? Any delicious recipes? Any fast and easy snack ideas that won’t break the bank? Or maybe you have some wisdom that you could share with me? Because right now, Ill take any thing and everything to help make this journey a little less rough.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Knee Deep

My friend Kathleen put it perfectly. This, this is the hard part. But I guess, when you're knee high in the hard part's mud, it just means that the good part is on its way. All I can hope is that it is hurrying. This sounds awfully negative, but really its not. Its just that changes are on their way, and well, most of you know my thoughts on change! Its a shift, a movement, and finally its been a revelation, that things arent okay the way that they are, and Im the only one who can change it... Its time to stop putting little band aid excuses up to cover the wound, that has been gapping. Its time to fix it. To make the decision and to take the leap of faith. I know this is all rather cryptic. But it needs to be right now. I need it to be.

Im taking life, and Im taking back control. This is my time.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Lets get Thrifty

I have never been one to be careless with money. In fact, I generally am pretty sensible {read; most of the time... haha} Sure, I like to buy nice things, and have new gadgets, but I have never really thrown around money willy nilly. I suppose I have my awesome mum to thank for instilling some sense of monetary worth into me while I was younger. {thanks mum!!} This whole moving out of home, moving to a new city thing has really made me realise that things are a whole lot more expensive than I ever really anticipated. I mean I knew supermarket shopping wasn’t cheap, and I knew that there would be bills and rent and all those other factors, but I suppose it is not until you are actually living it that you realise that it is really a rather expensive world out there.
Now, lucky enough for me I have some sweet skills {queue napoleon dynamite} that means I have managed to get a pretty decent paying temp job {read; mind numbingly boring and tedious job} but I am still trying to save as well, because my first 6 weeks of living up here in Auckland have depleted my savings account a bunch! So, with that, I am setting out on a journey, that’s right folks, I’ve got my backpack and my water bottle and I’m off into the wilderness. Ok so thats a bit dramatic! But, I am going to try to be a bit more thrifty in my lifestyle from now on.
I know I know, this is nothing new or that exciting really, and I know that most of us out there are trying to make things work on a budget... so I was wondering whether you might have any tips or tricks of the trade that you would care to share with a novice such as myself? Perhaps you have some really yummy cheap to make recipes, or fun things to do that aren’t that expensive, or maybe, you are secretly a super hero saver and you have some tips on everyday saving ideas... because right now, my imaginary piggy bank is looking awfully glum!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Where is that offload button?

Ive said it before, and I will say again {probably a lot} but man, people can be really really selfish, mean and well, just all flavours of not nice sometimes. I just get so frustrated. Especially when my friends are involved. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am fiercely loyal, and if I tell you I love you, it means that I will do absolutely anything in my power to protect you. My friends are my family. They are my world. So when they become the subject of malicious gossip, or nasty rumors, my instinct is automatically to protect. And I suppose sometimes that gets me in trouble, because people mistake my loyalty for something else.

You would think, that as you grow up you would leave behind the snaky high school B.S... turns out, people being mean is not age exclusive, in fact, it seems that right now, in my early 20s, the claws are out even more than I previously thought possible. I suppose, the environment I find myself in, is a breeding ground for this sort of thing, but its hasn't been until I have actually encountered it myself that I realised the extent of it all. Maybe in my naivety I believed that people could do things without having to have an ulterior motive. I am starting to question that belief hugely. People have always said that there is a reason for everything, I guess that is being made apparent, in a light that unfortunately is far more negative than positive at the moment.
Its not that I am upset by this discovery {okay maybe I am a little bit} but I am more shocked at the blatant disregard for other people in the race to the top. Its like, no one even thinks if their actions are going to effect anyone else anymore, or maybe, they do think about it, and they just don't care. And I think the thing that has made me more frustrated in this situation, is that this is not a new thing. Its not like these people woke up last week and just decided to change. They have manipulated and used people and situations to their advantage for years, and its only just recently because I have been emerged in it, that I have noticed it. And maybe even then, its only because I have become the subject of some of it, that I have noticed it. Maybe, no one notices, or maybe no one cares because they all do it too. I sure hope that isn't the case, because quite frankly, its rather depressing in a lot of ways {much like this post is getting... I'm sorry!}. The other thing that gets me too, is that these people, think we don't know what is going on. I honestly believe they think they have us all fooled. Which, leads me to the question of whether everyone else is actually unaware of what is going on, and mine is the only light bulb that has been switched on.
I'm lucky to have some of the most amazing people on this planet in my life, that I have been able to talk to this about, and I'm also lucky, that a lot of those amazing people, have been through this before and have some pretty wise and helpful advice on the whole situation. But I suppose, there is only one way that I am really ever going to learn to deal with it, and that is to go through it. Although, I do wish there was another way, because goodness, this really is just a little bit silly. In the mean time, I suppose I take each day, each rumor, each nasty comment at a time, and keep reminding myself, that I am better than that, and that I will not change who I am or what I believe in, because in the end, they dont really matter.