Thursday, November 4, 2010

Where is that offload button?

Ive said it before, and I will say again {probably a lot} but man, people can be really really selfish, mean and well, just all flavours of not nice sometimes. I just get so frustrated. Especially when my friends are involved. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am fiercely loyal, and if I tell you I love you, it means that I will do absolutely anything in my power to protect you. My friends are my family. They are my world. So when they become the subject of malicious gossip, or nasty rumors, my instinct is automatically to protect. And I suppose sometimes that gets me in trouble, because people mistake my loyalty for something else.

You would think, that as you grow up you would leave behind the snaky high school B.S... turns out, people being mean is not age exclusive, in fact, it seems that right now, in my early 20s, the claws are out even more than I previously thought possible. I suppose, the environment I find myself in, is a breeding ground for this sort of thing, but its hasn't been until I have actually encountered it myself that I realised the extent of it all. Maybe in my naivety I believed that people could do things without having to have an ulterior motive. I am starting to question that belief hugely. People have always said that there is a reason for everything, I guess that is being made apparent, in a light that unfortunately is far more negative than positive at the moment.
Its not that I am upset by this discovery {okay maybe I am a little bit} but I am more shocked at the blatant disregard for other people in the race to the top. Its like, no one even thinks if their actions are going to effect anyone else anymore, or maybe, they do think about it, and they just don't care. And I think the thing that has made me more frustrated in this situation, is that this is not a new thing. Its not like these people woke up last week and just decided to change. They have manipulated and used people and situations to their advantage for years, and its only just recently because I have been emerged in it, that I have noticed it. And maybe even then, its only because I have become the subject of some of it, that I have noticed it. Maybe, no one notices, or maybe no one cares because they all do it too. I sure hope that isn't the case, because quite frankly, its rather depressing in a lot of ways {much like this post is getting... I'm sorry!}. The other thing that gets me too, is that these people, think we don't know what is going on. I honestly believe they think they have us all fooled. Which, leads me to the question of whether everyone else is actually unaware of what is going on, and mine is the only light bulb that has been switched on.
I'm lucky to have some of the most amazing people on this planet in my life, that I have been able to talk to this about, and I'm also lucky, that a lot of those amazing people, have been through this before and have some pretty wise and helpful advice on the whole situation. But I suppose, there is only one way that I am really ever going to learn to deal with it, and that is to go through it. Although, I do wish there was another way, because goodness, this really is just a little bit silly. In the mean time, I suppose I take each day, each rumor, each nasty comment at a time, and keep reminding myself, that I am better than that, and that I will not change who I am or what I believe in, because in the end, they dont really matter.


  1. I'm so glad that you are as honest and real as you are on my blog.. This was exactly what I needed to read.

    You are an absolute gem..

    Here's to kindness,
    Amber Rose.

  2. I am the same way when it comes to friends, I expect just the basic kindness in return.
    I'm 29 and I recently cut out some friends in my life, but trust me, they were still acting like they never got out of HS.

  3. Ditto to what amber said - I really needed to hear this. Can relate to so much of what you are describing and been experiencing alot of it quite recently. It's nice to know there are genuine, honest people like yourself out there Tillie. Thank you for sharing ♥

  4. Great quote, can't get the Jewel song outa my head now - not that I mind - I LOVE her xx
    It is sad when people do not grow up and reach their full potential, they must be very unhappy deep down. Unfortunately so many of the people we share this wonderful world with do not have the emotional maturity to give emotionally to the people around them and feel they can only build strength by taking from others. Have you read "The Celestine Prophecy" - it has some very interesting insights into human behaviour.
    I know longer spend time with people who are toxic. I am more than happy to have only a handful of real friends that support and love me. Life is too short and our hearts are too fragile for nastiness. I guess all we can do is send those people love and light and move on.
    Sorry this was long.
    You are beautiful and special and a light amongst others. xx