Before I say anything else, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who sent their sweet lovin to me about graduating. All your kind words overwhelmed me a little, and meant so much, so thank you thank you thank YOU! You are just lovely.
Now I dont want to turn my blog into a place where I come to have a moan, but there is something on my chest, and I feel like I need to release it, so, blogsphere, here it is.
I am in the middle of a quarter life crisis. I think. Im not really sure what one looks like, but if indecision, lack of direction, too many options and fear of failure are symptoms, then Doctor, write me a perscription. Maybe its the fact that I have just graduated from university, but im pretty sure that this has been lingering a little longer than that. Since I have returned from my overseas adventure I have been feeling a little unsettled. I dont know where I want to be living, what I want to be doing, or where I am meant to be doing. I feel like I have no direction, or rather, I feel like I have to many potential directions that I dont know what one to choose. I mean, this is a decision that potentially effects the rest of my life. I know im still young. I can hear you yelling at the computer screen that its alright not to have life figured out at 20. But. Boy. I just feel so out of sorts. Do I travel? Do I study more? If I study more, what do I study? Academia or Art? Both perhaps? Should I buy those gorgeous high heels even though I dont need them and they are half of a weeks wages? Should I work abroad for a year? Should I just go on another adventure holiday? Will I ever meet the right person? Should I move? Should I stay?
I was talking to a friend about this recently and she said "listen to your heart". Now this is all very nice in theory, but the thing is, my heart wants to do it all. My head wants to do it all. I know that each of these decisions could be the right one. And thats the thing, its not like I have two clear cut options, one which is sensible and the other which is not. They all have their merits and downsides. I just dont know what the right direction is. I honestly, am so very confused. Which, is not a good feeling for a girl like me. I like to have things under control, otherwise, I can get very on edge. Hopefully, whatever this season is, it sorts itself out soon, so I can feel like things are getting back to normal. In the mean time, I suppose Ill keep changing my mind, setting myself up, and then changing my mind again. *sigh* Oh well, it could be alot worse, I mean, I could have no options. haha. {Ever the optimist}
In other news, you only have 6 more days to enter the swap... so what the heck are you waiting for. I mean, Really! Oh yeah, and when I get one more follower... I have a suprise for youu!
I think life is all about trying different paths until you find one you want to keep travelling down. I know how you feel sometimes i just want someone to tell me exactly what it is I should do! I hope you get it all figures out and in the meantime go and buy those heels you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteWe all go through stages like that, it will pass. I totally felt that way before I moved to Auckland and now I'm feeling mostly sorted and happy (apart from Auckland uni f*cking up my life a little). Whatever decision you make will end up being the right one for you, just give it some time.
ReplyDeleteoh honey, thank you for your honesty because lovie, let me assure you-- you are not the only one! i want to cry at my work desk every day thinking of the job i left behind (love though-- is the best reason for any sacrifice right?) because (and NOT to sound vain) i feel like my degree has gone to waste. I know this job is temporary and i'm quite lucky to have one (that also has a pretty discount mind you lol) but at the same time... if i'm being honest, i'm scared to think of what else i should be doing because i STILL don't know what "i want to be when i grow up."
ReplyDeletethis is the time to be reckless and FEEL OK about being indecisive. :)
xoxo
I think everyone feels this way at one point or another! For me lately, it's the question of "Should the hubby and I have kids or continue to travel and enjoy married life?" Because trust me, I want to do both! So, we just took a long, hard look at where we were - personally, spiritually, financially, etc - and to us, the advantages to travel/enjoying married life outweighed everything else. I guess the point is this - if you can't decide what to do, but you want to do everything - well, then there is no wrong answer:) You will find the right path!
ReplyDeleteThe best thing you can do is just to make a decision. Life is full of strange twists and turns and I'm not sure if you ever get to have it "figured out". The least we can do it try to enjoy the ride. :)
ReplyDeleteFirstly, well done on graduating :) you looked super cute in your gown! and secondly, I can really relate to how you feel right now. Im also about to graduate and my life is full of more questions than there are answers for. I hope this is just a phase for you and the confusion straightens its self out soon enough. You are a very inspiring and passionate person, I know for a fact that you will make the right decisions when they come your way :) things will be pretty overwelimg for you at the moment, but dont give your self too much of a hard time! Things work out the way they are meant to, and fate pushes people and situations into your life when you least expect. So in the meantime, I think if you stay focused and proactive, the heavens will nudge you in the right direction soon enough! ;) xx
ReplyDeletelove your honesty tillie.
ReplyDeletewhen i read this i can't help but feel soooooo excited for you. what a wonderful time in your life that you have choices to make and many paths to choose from. i hope you always have options and decisions to make and never become bored or complacent.
i can't wait to hear about the next chapter in the life that you are creating for yourself.
I still feel like I'm bobbing along aimlessly but I'm starting to learn to enjoy the uncertainty. I don't have plans, I don't have a future, so I can just nap. Love it haha x
ReplyDelete