In hiding.

If only my dilemma was as pretty as those ladies. Hmm. Let me explain. Yesterday, I had a little melt down. Maybe I should rewind the clock a little bit. Yes, lets see. Im not the kind of girl who does things in halves, I never have been. I graduate from University in exactly 2 weeks, I am working 2 jobs, plus running 2 other businesses, both of which are extremely busy and demanding in themselves, and trying to maintain some kind of social life so that my friends dont forget that I am alive. My main job, and I call it that because it is my main source of income is at a wonderful organisation doing all the administration and design work for a nationwide company. Its brilliant, the people I work with are lovely, I am appreciated and accepted, and I get paid well, Its a dream. However, I have just started working a parttime job on weekends and nights. This is where things have started to get a little, well, stressful. It is at a childrens clothing store, which is great. Those of you who know me know that I love kiddies, and spend a lot of time with my younger cousins and my friends children to whom I am known as 'Aunty Tillie.' I love the atmosphere and it is easy work.

The problem comes with the restrictions on my clothing and my appearance. I have tattoos, and a small ring through my left nostril. During the interview process I was told that I would have to have my tattoos covered. Now, I guess while I dont understand this, I can accept it. I would have thought, that living in 2010, people would have moved on with the stereotypes of tattoos, and the affiliations that they have, but I guess not. My tattoos have no significant religious or cultural meaning, so therefore according to workplace standards of this particular store they must be covered. {I guess this annoys me to, a girl I work with has this big tribal Maori design that goes right up her neck - but because its Maori, she is allowed to have it on show...} So, I wear either leggings, or long pants to this job, on the days that I am rostered on. Lately, I have been pushing the boundaries and wearing stockings which are slightly see through, no one has said anything yet, but I am waiting for something to come up. Now, this would be okay, ordinarily. However yesterday I was asked to take out my nose ring because it was 'offensive.'

My first reaction was to agree with my manager and brush it off, I am not a confrontational person. However on reflection, I started to question a lot of things. Its a small, inconspicious nose ring which sits close to the skin. I have had it since 2004, infact, I remember waking up, slightly hung over after the foo fighters concert in Wellington and deciding to get it peirced, going home, and my mum commenting on how much she liked it. Now I have been asked to take it out. I already feel like I have to comprimise who I am, by covering my tattoos, and now, I have to take further steps to uniform myself. The thing is, there is nothing in my contract, so Im a little disappointed about the whole thing. I guess Im just struggling with the whole, having to change to suit other people. I love my body modifications so very much, they are as much a part of me as my Hazel eyes or the freckles on my nose. I just wish people could understand that.

I suppose I just solider on, I spoke with my mum about it, and have decided that for this particular job, I will wear a small nose stud. If anything is said about that, I am thinking that I am going to resign because Im really not willing to comprimise myself any further. Maybe its silly? Maybe I am over reacting? I dunno. Im sorry for the negativity of this post, I just really needed to get everything out. Have any of you ever felt a little out of your wits when it comes to changing for other people? Im sure Im not the only one who has been in this position. But, I guess sometimes it feels like that.