Monday, June 28, 2010

Back to where I was

Sometimes things dont go the way that you planned them. Sometimes, things dont make sense. Im back to that feeling of uncertainity. Its funny isnt it. How everything is really just a big circle, of certainty, and uncertainty. Of love and indifference. Of friends, and strangers. Thats the thing isnt it. Things always change. Right when you want them to remain the same. They go and switch it up on you. Right now, I think life is testing me. Im not sure Im up for the examination. What happens if I fail? If I pick the wrong answer. I know I really dont need to have all the answers. Im 20 years old. But I want them. I want to have control of my life. I want to be able to chose my own direction, and I feel so out of sorts when things are out of my control. And right now, they are so out of control. The options all have pros and cons. There is not one, that is jumping out. I. Just. Dont. Know.

Im back to that place. Things didnt quite work out as I had planned for the next chapter of my life, so I am left to reevaluate. Its hard because I thought things were perfect, everything was falling into place, but of course, ive hit a speed bump! {isnt it always the way} so for now, I go back to not knowing what I am doing with my life. One thing I do know however is that I am off to the gym shortly {1 week down!} for my first weigh in/measurements. Yes, Im nervous. I hope that there are some good results! Its certainly been a testing 7 days as far as wanting to eat things I know I shouldnt, but I am proud of the commitment I have shown so far. And with one week down, it means there is only 3 weeks until my 21st birthday! Im pretty excited about that too!

You should probably join my new swap to. Its going to be fun!


  1. uncertain? is this coming from the same girl who has made amazing choices and been in charge of her body and health this week?

    you are certainly on the right path to wherever your speed bump takes you next.

    i am proud of your commitment this week tillie!

  2. That feeling sucks. I get it weekly, but it makes the happy, self-assured times greater kwim? Well done on the eating bizz! :) You are rocking it chick!

    Considering the swap but my digi-cam is taking THE crappest photos lately, it's been waterlogged and rice-bagged a few too many times I think :D

    Might see if I can get hold of a disposable and take part, it's an awesome idea!

  3. I was about the same place as you around a year ago Tille! I had everything a girl was suppose to have but I still felt lost.

    That's when we threw in our "good" jobs and moved to Korea to teach English ^^

    I hope you can find a path that will make you happy too - we have some many options to choose in life, sometimes it's so hard to choose what we really want to do.

    Best of luck!

    Also sounds like you're rocking the gym and eating well - good for you xoxox

  4. Good luck, darling! I'm proud of you^^
    I'm terrible at eating only good healthy food..

    Thinking through things is a good thing to do.
    It can be confusing and difficult, but it's often needed..:)

    xx Sophie

  5. I truly believe in the phrase - "If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it." I don't mean to get all religious, but I do believe that there are times in our lives where we are tested and uncertain but it's because we DO have the strength deep down to get through it! I hope the same happens for you!