Monday, June 7, 2010

Girls! What are you doing?

Girls, frustrate me. Dont get me wrong, I love being a woman. Infact, I am one of those proud women. You know, the ones that love their gender, and the history of the struggle. {Yeah I totally took some women's studies papers at university...and what?} I have had a few wake up calls recently as far as my 'friends' are concerned. Which, has been difficult for me to swallow {Made a little easier with a swig of one man who will never let me down, Jack Daniels} There is so much cattiness going around. Its a real shame because some of the girls in question, are really lovely people when they want to be, but their actions in recent times have made me question their integrity and our friendship. Which is really hard for me to say, because I really do try to see the best in everyone. {I guess that could be a fault of mine perhaps?} I guess I have a habit of trusting people too easily. For a long time, I kept walls up, and didnt let people close to me, slowly, I have let people in, let the guard down, and then things like this current situation go on and it makes me revert back to being closed off. And I dont want to come across as a shut book, but when I get hurt I guess a coping mechanism is to shut people out of my life, that way, if I get hurt I can really only blame myself. So, as much as I dont want to do it, I have re-evaluated the people that are in my life {for about the hundreth time} and maybe this time, I will get it right.

I dont understand why people {especially girls} have to bring each other down. Or why girls have to go around talking about other girls behind their backs, spreading untrue and hurtful rumors, or causing trouble between different people. Cant we just band together as Women, and focus on the important stuff? I have come to realise lately that I have high standards of people. Not in a bad way, but I expect them to respect me, and others, and that there are just some unwritten rules that people dont cross. Maybe Im in the minority here, but there are rules, about friendship, love, and well, being a good person. right? I was talking to a good friend of mine about this today, and she made such a good point when she said "Guys are hard enough to deal with, us girls have to stick together" I couldnt agree more. Especially within the sisterhood of women. I mean, I am not trying to get all feminist on you here. But ladies! We should be banding together, fighting for the same things, not with each other, over silly things, especially not over boys. I know that things cant all be peachy keen all the time, but seriously there is so much unnecesary bullshit that goes on and im so fed up. Who cares what she is wearing. Or what size jeans she fits into. Who cares who she is sleeping with. Or Who she cheated on her boyfriend with. STOP BEING NASTY! and more important STOP SPREADING RUMORS! Rumors are such dangerously out of control things, that really have the potential to harm people. Just remember that your words actually have a lot more power than you think, I have to remind myself of this alot, but its so important. Especially when it turns into a 'she said' vs. 'she said' thing between friends. there is just so much mess!

I think the worst thing about this whole situation, is that the things that went on are not even really a big deal. But, it is made into a big deal because of the lying and the cheating and the backstabbing that has surrounded the whole thing, and the personal attack on my character. I just wish people could grow up a little bit. I really thought that all this had been left behind in High School and yet it seems to be even worse now that im meant to be an 'adult' {whatever that means}. Gah! Im sorry for the rant, to be honest im not even sure this makes sense. Ill be back in few days with something more positive I hope. In the mean time... can you all just play nice? Please!


  1. I couldn't agree more Tille! Women seem to be so competative - I'm a proud feminist and I wish we could band together to fight the man instead of being so god damn bitchy all the time!!

    I think a low point for me was when I heard a friend talking about another girls wedding and said "OMG I couldn't believe what she was wearing - I'd never wear that at my wedding" OUCH!! At that point I realised we could never really be friends.

    I guess my point is - the true friends will be there through good times and bad.

    They are the person that comes round to your house with cupcakes when you've just come out of hospital :)

  2. Hear hear sister! :D
    Constantly notice this. As an 18 year old with a 24 year old boyfriend the past 2 years I've been hanging out with women of his age (friends partners etc) at functions and it doesn't get any better. Bitchy girls turn into bitchy women.

    Why can't people just play nice? Like you said; what does it matter what size/colour/who they're dating.... I get so irritated by people that put others down to make themselves feel better.

    I think Eleanor Roosevelt said it best; “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”

  3. I think that while it doesn't end in high school, as we age some people do eventually grow out of the drama and the gossiping. But some people don't at all. When you recognize that someone is that way, it is possible to just phase them out of your life, either completely or to a point where their drama is almost a novelty, because you are no longer so closely involved.

    I think it's important to remember that not everyone will be your friend for life. Friends drift in and out. Some will be more permanent. Finding those permanent ones does involve some trial and error. While I think your tendency to build walls around yourself is natural, when you feel yourself pulling away, try to remind yourself of the GOOD friends that you have as the result of opening up. For me, they make the others worth it.

  4. amen!
    i have come to the conlusion that what is known as 'high school drama' rides around in every girls back pocket and never goes away.
    you see the same cattiness when people go to uni, go to work, my mother told me it was the same as high school when she took me to kindergarten. there will always be unneccessary drama and the only thing to do is trytrytry and ignore it or confront it, even though it can be next to impossible sometimes.

    hope everything looks up soon darling!

  5. here here! You are 100% right Tillie! I too find it disappointing that we as women can not be more supportive of each other without the hurtful words and overtones.
    I was just formulating my own post about moving on from toxic friends so your words are resonating with me.
    In the book I am reading at the moment one of the characters says her only rule is to never say a negative comment about strangers, I think this should include friends too.
    Ps. You are a beautiful person, I wish everyone was more like you xx

  6. I totally did not know you did some women's studies papers at uni. What did you take?
    Girl's are dumb I have to agree, I never have these problems with my guy mates and Daniel never has these problems with his mates. I thought I had two really good girlfriends up here and one of them has totally screwed us over and I have doubts about the others intentions to be honest. It never stops hurting when a girl mate ends up being a two-faced bitch but I have come to expect it in a way. Then it is really awesome to find someone who is truly genuine. Remember you can always talk to me if you need to :)

  7. from one woman to another - please don't stop being your beautiful self. keep believing in the good of people. you are wonderful!

  8. It really doesn't end after high school hey but all I can try to do is I guess be treated how I want to be treated and hope thye reciprocate. I refuse to be part of bitching behind people's back. Sigh xo

  9. I certainly agree! I have always been a girl who truly prefers hanging out with guys. There is just SO much less drama with the male gender! Not to say I don't love my ladies- I am lucky enough to have some wonderful girlfriends- but when it comes down to it, I choose to keep the cattiness out of my life.

  10. I completely agree with you. I have recently let go of some of the negativity in my life and I couldn't feel better about everything. It was so unhealthy haveing it around me every day. Girls can be pretty catty and it is frustrating. I love this post an I hope others ladies can read it and we can all ban together!!

    By the way I wrote you back and Im sending it off tomorrow :) I absolutey LOVE your cute card and envelope!!

  11. I teach high school, and I see the cattiness and negativity on a daily basis. And what makes matters worse is that even though I am 30, I still see it among my friends sometimes. Girls are evil.

  12. I hate the way girls think that they're in such dire competition with each other all of the time. We make things so hard for ourselves. You're right, we need to band together not fight against each other xxx

  13. I totally agree, Tillie!
    Girls are experts when it comes to "psychological warfare", and it SUCKS! Some girls don't think things through before they throw out one rumour after another, or just talk bad about someone behind their back. It's so destructive, but they some girls are just unable to see it. They shut their minds to all sense!

    xx Sophie

  14. Girl...I hear ya!! A serpent tongue on a girlfriend can ruin entire groups, ministries, fellowship...stop it COLD!! It is very evil stuff that goes on. Loose lips sink ships!!

    I never got a simply delightful partner?

  15. I've never been very girly and getting along with girls has been an interesting time for me. I'm now pregnant with baby number one and it has really shown who may real friends are.

    PS: Yay feminism.